My Relationship with Myself

By April Eckwielen

Our lives are full of relationships. Whether it be with family, lovers, friends, coworkers and everyone or thing in between, we create relationships that either lift us up or tear us down. We put effort into these relationships, praising the ones that make us grow and getting rid of the ones that are toxic. However, there is one relationship that some have a constant struggle with: our relationship with our self.

I am sure I am not the only one who has a version of the “I love me/I hate me” days. There are days where you feel on top of the world. You are happy and love life and those around you. Then there are days where nothing goes right, you feel and think you look horrible and you just want to curl up in a ball and hide. It is a constant love/hate relationship with yourself. I’ve been there, done that and have several of the t-shirts to prove it.

I have my days where I beat myself up, and have so much negative chatter going on inside my head I can’t even think straight. Nothing seems to work and I continue to self sabotage. My yoga practice, meditation practice and external relationship suffer when I let my ego get the best of me and let it fill my head with negativity. I know that it is not beneficial for me to have this type of relationship with myself. Would I allow a friend, spouse or family member to talk to me the way I talk to myself? Would I allow them to stay in my life when I know that they are doing nothing for my greater good? The answer is a simple. No, I wouldn’t. I would and I have cut ties with people that have treated me wrong, and who have tried to let their negativity spread into my life. Of course it was difficult to let go of those relationships, but I did it without looking back, and I have never regretted it. So why do I and so many others have a hard time breaking up with our negative relationship with ourselves? That answer is because we cannot get out of our own heads and put a permanent mute button over the ego that controls those thoughts.

We spend so much time cultivating other relationships we think are important but forgot the most important one of all, the relationship we have with ourselves. Self-love and acceptance is a struggle and depending on what things you are struggling with, it can feel like a never ending battle.

We need to learn (myself included) to love ourselves just as much as we love others. We need to let go of the things we tell ourselves that are not for our greater good.

We need to break up with our negative self, and cultivate a loving and nurturing relationship with our true and awesome self. I am not saying that this will be easy. I am not saying that you will not have times that ego will rear its ugly head and try to get you back into that downward spiral of negativity. I will say that once you break up with that negative self and move on, you will notice just how wonderful and at peace you will become. Starting now, take baby steps. Set an intention each day to love yourself. Write down your intention in a journal or calendar. If you start to hear those negative thoughts, remember your intention for the day and let it remove those negative thoughts from your mind. Carry or wear a rose quartz to remind you to love yourself. Try to fill your day with things that nurture you and make you happy. These little things can help you become more aware of how truly wonderful and worthy you are to love yourself.

Breaking up is hard to do. Sit, meditate, journal or pray over how you want to break up with your negative self. Then, with intention, let the relationship go. Be kind and patient with yourself and watch how you blossom.