Cutting Cords

By April Eckwielen

I hang onto things. Whether they are material items or emotional baggage, I tend to hang on to them longer than I should. The material things, like old clothes, books and that ugly souvenir mug I bought on a high school trip, will eventually end up in the donate pile. However, the emotional stuff tends to hang around longer than it should. It plays over and over in my head, like a bad song on repeat, causing me to over think and believe that what I am thinking is true.

My weakness is people’s thoughts about me. I have always been a people pleaser and can’t stand conflict. I would always do everything in my power to make others happy, even if it meant stomping on my own happiness. Over the years, I became very critical of myself and would constantly focus on any negative thing someone would say to me or about me. It was like a huge weight, always pressing down on me. I would have my a-ha moments and be able to shake it off for a while, but something would always happen and my power would be lost to the words or actions of others. 

This summer the something happened. Conflict reared its ugly head and I found myself getting pummelled from every direction. At one point I was being told I was a fake, no one wants me around, my family hates me and I was a fat pig who needed to put the cupcake down. Then if that wasn’t enough, I was told I was never well liked and I was the cause of all the relationship strain in my family. I felt as if someone had just pulled my heart right out of my chest and then punched me in the stomach. I kept going over what happened in my head and started to believe what I was told was truth. I gave my power away to someone else's words and their thoughts about me. I was hanging on to the baggage.

These feeling and thoughts swirling around in my head about what had happened weren’t doing me any good. I couldn’t change what was said or the person who said them, but what I could do was change how it affected me. It was time to cut the cords of the negativity that was thrown my way and focus on what I knew was true. I meditated on what was said. I focused on clearing the negativity from my head, as well as healing my heart. I imagined my breath spiraling around the negative thoughts, grabbing hold of them and releasing them from me with each exhale. I created a barrier between myself and the negative words and released them. I owned the fact that they no longer had power over my thoughts and feelings about myself. They were someone else's thoughts and words and they could deal with them on their own. I was no longer a prisoner. I went to my journal to write out what I was feeling and again cut the cords that bound me to the negativity. While journaling, I let myself get everything out onto the paper, not censoring anything. It was freeing to let everything go.

Cutting cords from an experience, thought or person can be quite difficult. It is a process because we have all of these old belief structures that have been built up throughout our lives that we tend to think we still need because that is all we know. This is not the case! Those old beliefs aren’t doing your life any good and the longer you hang onto them, the worse you will feel. By cutting those cords, the things which tie you to those beliefs, you can be free to live your life the way you want to. The time is now. Release yourself from the cords that bind you to what is not serving you. Make the commitment to break the cycle and find your happiness again.

Meditation: What's That?

By April Eckwielen

Meditation is becoming more and more of a common activity that people are adding to their daily lives. There is always a story in the news, a new app that has launched or something crossing your social media feed about how you can bring calm to your life through mediation. The process of meditation seems simple: sit quietly, close your eyes, focus on your breath and begin. But, for most, beginning and keeping a meditation practice can be difficult.  

Let me start off with this confession: My name is April and I can’t meditate. Did I shock you?  You’re probably thinking how can this woman be a yoga instructor and not be able to meditate? The answer is simple: my mind is too loud. Don’t get me wrong, I try all the time, but the constant chatter that goes on in my mind usually wins the so-you-think-you-can-meditate battle. I am sure that many of you can relate to this struggle of an always running mind. Daily tasks, ideas about my next articles, family life, work stress and focusing on things I have no control over are just a few of the things that have my mind always running on turbo speed. This is what many of us struggle with.  

So how can I, a not-so-great meditator, give you guidance on your own meditation practice? Well, the answer is I know what to do, I just don’t listen to my own advice. Maybe by the time I finish writing this article, some of my own information will sink in and I can be there, right along with you on beginning (again) a meditation practice.

• Start small. Sit for just a few minutes once a week and grow from there. Take that time to connect with your breath. Pay attention to how you feel after. When you are comfortable with adding more days or lengthening your time, go for it!
• Don’t worry about the “supplies”. You don’t need anything special for your meditation session. A comfy and quiet place to sit or even stand is all you need. Sure having incense burning, sitting on a custom meditation cushion and having serene music softly playing in the background is a nice addition, but not required. All you need is yourself and your breath to get you started.
• Explore incorporating an intention. Try to set an intention when you begin your meditation. It could be anything from having your best day possible to asking for guidance on something that is weighing on you. Your intention is your own and can be changed when you feel the time is right.
• Check in. Our minds naturally wander. It’s what they do. If you find yourself thinking about your grocery list instead of your intention, acknowledge the thoughts without judgement and return back to the breath. Sometimes, things may pop in from your meditation and you might not be sure what to do. Try staying with that thought or emotion that may come up. See where it takes you. It may be divine intervention stepping in and speaking with you.
• Don’t freak out if you miss a session. We are all human and life happens. Don’t beat yourself up for missing your meditation time. The great news is that when you are ready to come back, it is always ready to welcome you back with open arms. Remember, there is no right or wrong and there is no set schedule you have to have in order to have a meditation practice.  

These are just a few ideas on how you can start (or in my case re-start) your meditation practice. Play around with different ways that you can add this time to your day. Remember, it’s a practice. Practice makes permanent, not perfect. It’s ok if you are like me and have to keep starting over for the 7,411th time. Make your meditation practice your own and enjoy the calm and mindfulness it will bring into your life.

Making Mindfulness a Habit

By April Eckwielen

We are a society that is always on the go. Our minds are always on overdrive and we tend to worry about what comes next on our ever growing list of things to do rather than being present in the activity that we are currently in. It is taught to us at a very young age that if we aren’t constantly busy filling up our calendars we are wasting time and are labeled as lazy. It is so commonplace for us to be doing one thing and already putting energy into something that may not be happening for quite some time that we lose focus of where we are and what we are doing right now. How can this change?

The answer is quite simple, although some may find it very difficult in this crazy world we live in.  We need to be more mindful throughout our day. We need to take a moment to pause and be fully present in the moment we are experiencing. Quieting the whirlwind that is in our minds can help us not only relax, but become happier, more productive and enjoy life to its fullest. So, how does one become more mindful? Try incorporating these practices into your daily life and see what changes occur.

1. Take time to observe your breath. We all breathe throughout the day, we need to in order to survive, but have you ever paid attention to your breath? Take a few moments throughout your day to close your eyes and focus on your breath. As you inhale, feel the belly, ribcage and chest open and as you exhale, feel any tension release. Practicing mindful breathing can help reduce tension, anxiety and give you a sense of calm to go about with your day.
2. Pay attention when you eat. When was the last time you truly enjoyed your meal? Can you describe its texture, aroma and flavor? In our hectic life, we tend to gulp down our meals or beverages and not truly enjoy them. Next time you sit down for a meal, snack or even a cup of coffee or tea, take the time to focus on the item in front of you. Really taste the food or drink, and don’t worry on what needs to be done next. One of the ways our body experiences things around us is through our sense of taste. Enjoy your meal, regardless of how complex or simple it is. Be mindful that this will give you the energy you need to get you through your daily activities.
3. Spend time in nature. Take the time to get outside, even if it is just for a few minutes. Go for a walk, have a seat on a park bench, or just stand at your front door and take in the space around you. Close your eyes and notice the sounds around you. Listen and just be. If you prefer to walk around, turn it into a walking meditation. Focus on the scenery around you and have your breath match your stride. Look at your surroundings with new eyes.  Notice the architecture of the buildings, the clouds in the sky and the rainbow of colors from flowers, plants and trees. Take it all in.
4. Meditate.  Many people think that in order to meditate, you need to dedicate a certain chunk of time to do it correctly. This is not the case. There is no set amount of time that you need to take in order to meditate. Take time for yourself to relax and allow your mind to clear. With today’s technology, you can download meditation apps that can take you through a quick guided meditation, time your meditation sessions or even give you topics to focus on while you meditate. Sit and just be. Focus on your breath. That is a meditation in itself.  Make your meditation practice your own. Enjoy this time of quiet reflection.
5. Take time for self-care. Doing things for yourself that bring you joy is not being selfish, it is a necessity. We tend to be overwhelmed by taking care of the needs of others that we neglect ourselves. Take the time for you, even if it is just a few minutes a day. Working out, reading a book, taking a hot bath, enjoying a hobby, taking a much needed nap are all ways you can incorporate self care into your daily life. We are not useful to those around us if we do not take care of ourselves.  

Mindfulness can be easily achieved if we allow ourselves to practice it. Once you begin to incorporate being more mindful into your daily life, you will notice tremendous shifts in your thoughts, attitudes and the flow of your day. Mindfulness can open the doors for us to actively participate in this life we live, instead of just existing.

The Road to Empowerment

By April Eckwielen

“You are essentially who you create yourself to be and all that occurs in your life is the result of your own making.”

― Stephen Richards, Think Your way to Success: Let Your Dreams Run Free

I came across this quote the other day and sat and thought about it for a while. I thought about my life and the person I have become over the years, and most recently who I have become in the last 6 months.  

Looking back, I recognize now that I was not creating myself to be who I truly am. I wasn’t living authentically. I was talking the talk, but I was living a completely different life. I spoke to others about speaking their truths, getting the most out of their lives and standing in their own personal power without hesitation, but I was doing none of that. I was living inside my head, letting ego take over and tell me that I wasn’t good enough, I wouldn’t be successful and I should just give up now while I had the chance. My strength was gone. The vibes I was putting out into the universe were negative and cold and I was getting exactly those vibes back. I backed down and gave away my power for the sole purpose of making others happy and to avoid conflict. This resulted in a deep depression and putting up a wall so I could seclude myself from the outside world.

The life I was creating because of the thoughts in my head was spiraling downward rapidly and all I kept doing was fanning the flames to make it go faster. Here I thought I was doing everything I could to make the life I wanted, but in truth I was doing everything to sabotage it and I wasn’t even realizing it. It took a conversation with a close friend to make me have my light bulb moment and begin to make changes. I began seeking out ways to help me create the life I wanted. I attended workshops, life coaching sessions and special events to get me out of my comfort zone and become empowered with the new me that I was creating. I sought out like minded people and found those who were on the same path as I was and made them my tribe. I put the things I was taught into action and began seeing how much better I felt by creating the life I wanted, and how what I was doing was giving a little spark to others who wanted to become more empowered in their own lives. It was a domino effect of empowering vibes that kept opening new doors for myself and others to create the life that they wanted.

Looking back at the quote above, I can definitely say that it is 100% true. We are what we create ourselves to be. The actions we take and words we say have a huge impact on how we shape our lives. They can either keep us down, not allowing us to reach our full potential, or they can build us up, creating the life we have always wanted and empowering us to not take anything less. Ask yourself: Are you creating the life you want? Are you empowered or are you afraid of living the life you want no matter what anyone else thinks? Think about it. Meditate on it. If you are not living your life empowered by your words and actions, now is the time to change. Be the creator of the life you want, speak your truth and become the empowered person you were meant to be. You can do it. All you have to do is take that first step.

Authentic Life Coaching

by April Eckwielen

We live in a world that thrives on busy. We always have to be doing something, going somewhere, have a jam packed schedule and always attending to someone else’s needs instead of our own. We glorify busy. I am pretty sure that if busy was a religion, it would have countless followers and devotees.

With this glorification of busy, we tend to fall into a rut. We are always running at top speed and who we are on the inside tends to be overcome by who we feel we need to be on the outside and to others. We now focus on who we think others want us to be rather than who we really are. Complacency settles in and becomes our new best friend. We lose what makes us who we are. We lose our authenticity.

What does it mean to be authentic? The Merriam­Webster dictionary defines authentic as:

1a: worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact <paints an authentic picture of our society> b: conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features <an authentic reproduction of a colonial farmhouse> c: made or done the same way as an original <authentic Mexican fare>

2: not false or imitation : real, actual <an authentic cockney accent>

3: true to one's own personality, spirit, or character

I know what you are thinking. You are reading this and saying to yourself, “I’m authentic. I live my life authentically.” You may think this way, but do you actually believe it? If your answer is no, then how do you change? How can you believe in your true authentic self and live the life that you want to live? The best way to start is to dig in deep and get to all that raw stuff that has been building up over the years. Dive into all the ideas, beliefs and ways of life that have been pressed upon you over the years and strip those beliefs away, one by one.

Working on yourself is one of the hardest jobs to do. You not only need to be willing and ready to accept change, you also need support and guidance from the outside. This is where Authentic Life Coaching will help. 

Authentic Life Journey Coaching offers group and individual coaching sessions. These sessions allow you to have a safe place to peel away the old habits and negative self talk that have made you to not speak your truth and live the life that you desire. Through group or individual interactions with your coach, meditations and journaling exercises you will begin to let go of what no longer serves you and allow your authentic self to shine through. This program allows you to heal from past beliefs and begin to acknowledge that you have a purpose in life that needs to be shared. You have gifts to give and once you start living in your authentic self, the universe will open up and your life will change.

For more info on Authentic Life Journey Coaching and more, visit www.authenticlifejourney.com.